Trippin In The Abstract

To all of the men out there, I am afraid that I have some frightening news. You might want to sit down as this is something that is a bit unnerving. Just give me a second to prepare myself…okay…here goes.

Now, you may have noticed that your body is changing. That’s perfectly fine, it’s only natural and sometimes you get nervous when you see that cute guy in the hallway…hmmm, wait a second! Sorry, my bad, that’s the speech that I am going to give to my daughters. Hold on, let me look at my notes…oh, here it is. What I am wanting to tell all of the dudes is that is that scientists have noticed that the Y chromosome is slowly disappearing!

Umm, what’s with all of the blank stares out there? Didn’t you hear what I just typed? The Y chromosome is fading out of the human gene pool and eventually will go the way of the dinosaur, or even worse, end up being discussed on The View (shudder).

Okay, I am still seeing a lot of unconcerned faces out there. Hey, guys, listen up, this is important. Quit peeking at the Sports Illustrated swimsuit page and pay attention. What this news means is that whoever carries the Y chromosome is on the shortlist of shows to be cancelled by Nature’s Biological Calendar (NBC). Anyone want to take a guess as to who carries the Y chromosome? Anyone? Hmm…okay, I’ll tell you who…it’s men! That’s right, us males have apparently been given a pink slip with the note, “Thanks for stopping by, it was fun knowing you”. We have somehow become a novelty item, something to toss into evolution’s bargain bin.

Now don’t panic just yet guys. We still have a bit of time left before the lights start flashing announcing last call for us. We can still do a few things before we become just a bonus question on Trivial Pursuit. What I am thinking is that we should go out with a bang! Let’s show the world that hey, we may be being evicted, but we are going to throw one heck of a party before we are tossed into the echoes of history.

Now, we need to start by acknowledging the winners of natural selection. No need to be poor sports about it. We need to congratulate the females of our planet. I mean, if you look at it honestly they deserve to win. If it wasn’t for women, we men would still be hairy, grunting beasts, wolfing down our food and telling each other, “Bro, pull my finger!”

Okay, I’ll concede that most of us males are still like that, but you have to admit that the world is a much better place with the gals running it. Oh, don’t even start with the “I wear the pants in my family” stuff. If it wasn’t for your woman, you wouldn’t even be able to find your pants.

What I suggest is let’s end our time by celebrating and enjoying the victors and their success. How about surprising your lady with an unexpected hug every once in a while, without expecting anything in return. Or perhaps having a conversation with her and actually paying attention to what she is saying. Maybe, just maybe, you can over the remote control to her for a few hours. I know that it will be tough, but you can do it.

Come on guys, we had a good run, but it’s time to start the transition phase and hand the keys of the planet over to the women. Who are we to argue with nature? Eventually my amigos we are going to fade off into the nether, so let’s do it with some style.

Now for you ladies reading this, you are going to have to recap this entry to your men because I know that they got bored and never made it passed the second paragraph. You’ll find your guy over on the Penthouse Letters page. And just to let you know, I believe that nature made the best choice. After all, she is one smart lady.